It is so weird to be in a place this long. When you can't go anywhere in town without recognizing someone from somewhere (especially when you've lived 3 different places in town). Like the other night when I went to Ethan's baseball game at a field I never knew existed in Lincoln and saw several familiar faces - some I could name, some I couldn't. Or Target. Or the library.
It is so weird to know where practically everything is in town or at least be able to picture where something is next to or around when someone else is describing it. Or talk about years ago when something happened in town. Like know why there are bicycles all over Lincoln. Or see the town of Hallam recover from the tornado. Or remember when 84th St. and Pine Lake were the edges of town. Or when Southwest High School opened and go to their musical celebration of 10 years.
God is so funny. I thought this was to be our temporary home. Just a brief stop for Rob to go to school before we moved on to his next career. And here we are. Our kids have all grown up in this town - Ethan turned 3 yrs. old 3 days after we arrived here. We have put down roots and developed some incredible friendships here - people who take the place of our family since we have none in town.
So, Rob is almost done. He is working hard on the final pages of his dissertation. He will officially graduate in August or December of this year. This is it. Then the career can begin and we can move on.
But now I don't want to. I love Lincoln, Nebraska. I love that we have weathered the recession much better than any other place in the country it seems. I love that I know the town like the back of my hand and rarely need Google maps to get anywhere. I love that I know what to expect and I know that this is a rare spring and last winter was a rare winter because I've lived here long enough to know that. I love that we have lived all over Lincoln and have friends all over the city.
It's so weird how I fought putting down roots knowing that someday we would probably be moving on. I couldn't help myself and I would have hindered my kids if I hadn't. It will hurt so much to pull them up. I've done it so many times before, I know that feeling.
I know what it feels like as a kid to leave a place with best friends. To cry together as your family's spend the night together one more time making nachos in their basement (Ervins) and crying the whole time. I know what it feels like to move in the middle of an important milestone. For your family to allow you to finish that milestone (6th grade) while they move on ahead of you. To finish knowing that as you sing "Friends are Friends forever" you wonder if your friends will remember you as you move so far away and out of touch. I know what it feels like to say goodbye to a place not knowing if you will return or not (FL) and saying goodbye for now to people knowing it could be goodbye forever. I know what it's like to be excited for the career that your husband has finally started on while moving away from the safety and comfort of family and friends (Redding). I know what it's like to move all the way across the country not knowing what lies ahead of you but trusting that the God you love is leading you.
It's so weird that I am struggling with these feelings right now. There are no prospects for moving. Rob has not finished. In fact, we both have plans for the fall for part-time jobs and for my schooling. But I know that could all change and I want my heart to be prepared for the feelings I know will come.
It's so weird because while I long for Rob's future career to begin, I just want to stay put. I'm so dysfunctional! It's so weird.
It is weird, but you're not, Joni. I pray that as you awake each day, you will know the peace of God that passes all understanding as you let your requests be made known to Him with thanksgiving. I love you!
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